Characters

Hinako Shimizu

Journal Entry

Me.
There's not a single extraordinary thing about me.
Except maybe being tall for a girl my age.

I used to be in the Track & Field Club, which is probably why I'm better at sports than most girls.

I guess I got used to running around a lot when I was a kid since I preferred playing with boys.

I will admit, I can be quite stubborn at times. I don't like accepting things that other people decide for me, even if it's the right thing to do.

More than once, I've rebelled and made the wrong decision, only to regret it later.

Unlike my sister Junko, who was always the golden child, I've been a handful ever since I was little. My parents told me that I never listened to a single word they said. I'd make my mom cry and my dad furious.

But Junko was always there for me. She understood me. She looked out for me.

That's why I love my sister and have always done what she's asked of me... Or, at least, I've tried.

She would smooth things out between me and my parents, which made life in that house a little more bearable.

That is, until she got married, of course.

I've always despised people who tell me how to act just because I'm a girl.

Shu was different, though. He was the only one who ever understood me. We were perfect partners. I considered him a true companion.

As we got older, the pressure from our parents got stronger. Even still, Shu never stopped treating me like his equal, regardless of my gender.

There exist two Hinakos inside me now: Shimizu Hinako, whom I have known since birth; and Hinako, a woman who is trying to steal my body from the old me.

It's like an alien is trying to take over me. If this were Space Wars, my partner should be coming to the rescue, but there's no sign of him...

Nothing gets on my nerves more than other people trying to make decisions for me. Even if what they're saying is right, it just rubs me the wrong way. I'd rather make a hundred mistakes on my own than follow someone else's commands.

But that can make for a lonely life, one where I refuse to listen to anyone else. I want to become the kind of person who truly listens to what others have to say.

Of course, it'll still be up to me whom I listen to.

And that will be someone I can trust. Someone who will walk alongside me, hand in hand.

However, making long lists of things I hate is just a way of running away from the real issues I have with my inner self.

I have to step up and face what's inside of me. Even if I don't like what I see.

Being able to take my time and carefully think things through before making a decision is what's most important to me.

Shu Iwai

Journal Entry

Shu's been my best friend since forever; he's my partner. We've been having play dates for as long as I can remember. When we played make-believe Space Wars, we'd call each other "partner," and for some reason, it just kind of stuck.

Kids of the Showa era tend to look down on the other sex, but never Shu. When I rebelled against my parents because they told me to act like a girl, he was the one who understood my feelings the most and stood by me.

Shu's always had a vast knowledge of plants and flowers, so his nickname came to be "Professor Horticulture." He has so many aspirations for his future. He wants to be a gardener, herbalist, matsutake farmer, and a member of the Space Army.

Shu comes from a long line of pharmacists, with his grandmother still working as one.

Following the war, a town doctor was finally able to open an actual practice. Before that, the Iwais were said to have been stand-in doctors.

As Shu was a grandma's boy, he spent a lot of time learning about various types of plants, flowers, and medicinal herbs. That seemed to have sparked his interest in medicine, which eventually led to him learning first aid.

It seems that he was interested in learning first aid because of his family lineage as pharmacists, and to fulfill his duty of being a member of the Space Army.

Shu's knowledge of medicine rivals that of a veteran pharmacist. From ingredients, efficacy, to the medicine that best matches your body—you name it, and he'll be able to tell you. You can consult him with all those pains that come with growing up, like headaches to acne, and just like that! He'll recommend you medicine and also give you advice on daily lifestyle choices.

Rumor got around that listening to Shu's advice really does make acne go away, and now he's really popular with the girls. I suffer from frequent headaches, so Shu gets me medicine based on my symptoms, and it really helps out.

We've always had this unspoken rule that we shouldn't view each other as boys and girls, so we've always called each other "partner" growing up.
But with time, our bodies slowly developed into that which we rejected.

If I start viewing Shu as the man he's growing into, I feel like our precious relationship will come to an end. And the thought of losing him absolutely petrifies me. Shu is probably also starting to have the same thoughts as me, but he still treats me as his partner.

I swear that I want to stay by Shu's side as his partner, and not in a romantic way either. But at the same time, there's some strange part of me that wants him to acknowledge me as a girl...

Rinko Nishida

Journal Entry

One of my friends.

She's really put-together, but can be a little inflexible in how she does things sometimes.

Once she's set her mind to something, that's it. And recently, that something seems to be clothes, fashion, and other "womanly pursuits.

Rinko once confessed to me that she had a crush on Shu.

I told her that I was all for it, but if she can't get used to the idea of rolling around in the dirt and catching insects for fun, she might have a tough time.

Rinko is earnest and works really hard, but she also tends to get a little too caught up in her own ways of seeing things.

Once she's come to a conclusion in her head, it can be like pulling teeth to convince her otherwise.

Although we're the best of friends now, we've had two or three huge fights in the past that ended with us not speaking to each other for weeks and weeks.

I'm sure we'll end up fighting again in the future. But even if we do, I know we'll be able to make up again.

Rinko is always asking whether Shu and I are an item.

I tell her every time that we're not, but she never seems to buy it.

I heard a rumor that Rinko was gossiping about me behind my back.

I suppose love can tear apart even the closest of friends. I don't know what to do...

I think that Shu, Rinko, and I may be caught in a love triangle.

If Shu weren't my partner, I think I'd be more ready to wholeheartedly support Rinko's love for him.

Rinko was over the moon when she heard about Kotoyuki's marriage proposal.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Her mortal enemy has disappeared from the battlefield of love, after all.

Sakuko Igarashi

Journal Entry

One of my friends.

She's always got her head up in the clouds and is a little strange.

She's constantly trying to worm her way out of paying me back for the five hundred yen I lent her that one time.

Her father is the head priest of the Sennensugi Shrine in town.

She seems to take great pride in donning the traditional miko robes and selling charms during the New Year celebrations.

Sakuko is very in touch with her spiritual side. She seems to always have some god or apparition visiting her dreams, telling her about this or that.

According to Sakuko, there's been quite the supernatural disturbance around Ebisugaoka. Something about an ancient god who's furious about having their followers stolen from them, and now they're out for revenge or whatnot.

I think Sakuko may have read one too many of those bizarre comics. Lately, she'll be laughing all happily one moment, then turn deadly serious and spout off some weird nonsense the next.

Apparently, she's acting like that because she thinks it's cool, but it kind of creeped me out the first few times she did it. I hope she gets over this weird "supernatural" phase of hers.

Sakuko made me promise that if either one of us was going to get a boyfriend, we'd have to do so at the same time—no exceptions. I honestly have no interest in that kind of thing, but I went ahead with it because she seemed so set on it.

Some time after that, rumors of Kotoyuki asking for my hand in marriage spread all over town, and I can't even begin to tell you how horrible this turned out. It reached Sakuko, and now every time she sees me, she calls me traitor this, traitor that.
I really didn't want it to be this way...

Fox Mask / Kotoyuki Tsuneki

Journal Entry

A mysterious man who wears a fox mask.

He never takes it off, so I feel I have yet to see his true self. He has such a refined air about him; I think he must come from a very well-off family.

For whatever reason, he seems to know me well and treats me kindly. He's almost like a prince from a fairytale. In fact, this whole situation is like a story from a book.

Who are you? And why are you leading me down this path?

There are times when those kind eyes that watch me through the slits of the fox mask turn frighteningly sharp. It's as if he is looking right through me, piercing the very depths of my soul.

When we walk hand in hand, he always stays one step ahead, as if guiding me somewhere...

With my hand in his, I can keep my eyes cast down towards my feet when I walk. When he tugs gently on my hand, I know what true happiness is.

I don't have to think about anything anymore. As long as I do what he tells me, I know I will be happy...

He promised me everything I could ever want to be content. A life full of comfort for as long as I live. Status that no one could look down on. And most importantly, endless love for me.

For all this, I will give him all of me.
Body, mind, and soul.

I will even give him what I have fiercely protected my whole life—my will to make my own choices. From now on, I will let him decide everything for me and simply do as he says.

This is what... happiness... means... to... me...

I cannot begin to fathom everything he has endured just to ask for my hand.

Forced to turn away from all the simple pleasures every child should enjoy, and all for my sake...

I can tell that his love for me is real.

The desire to reciprocate his feelings dominates half of me. Even now, the two "me"s continue their petty war, each attempting to kill the other for control over my body.

I cannot guarantee that I will become what you want me to be.

Would you still be willing to wait for me, Kotoyuki?

Junko Kinuta

Journal Entry

My older sister.

She's one of the prettiest and kindest people I know, and there's nothing she can't do. I can rely on her for anything. Honestly, she's the greatest sister anyone could ask for.

She's always been there for me, ever since the day I was born, until...

Until she left to get married.

Junko always told me that the quickest way to happiness is to live the way society expects women to.

Well, if there's a quick way to happiness, then there must be other ways, too.

One time, when I was little, Junko showed me how to find my way out of a maze in a puzzle book.

There's no doubt that she showed me the quickest solution. Still, what I felt that moment was nothing compared to the joy of figuring it out for myself.

I once went to see Junko in the hospital when she was pregnant.

Her morning sickness was so bad that all she could manage between vomiting was groaning.

Her hands were rough and chapped, and her face looked as though she had aged decades overnight. When I saw her like that, it was as if the sister that I adored had disappeared.

This is what marriage does to a woman. It makes you end up like Junko, like Mom...

Junko says that she is happy, but I just don't get it. Neither she nor my mom ever look happy.

Then again, when I tell her about my ideas of happiness, she just says that those don't sound very happy to her at all.

What matters most to my sister are results.

What matters most to me is choice.

Even if it's what makes my sister happy, if I can't make my own choices, then I will be unhappy forever.

But if what makes me happy doesn't give my sister the results she wants, then she will be unhappy.

Though our concepts of happiness may differ, I think as sisters, we can respect each other's version of it and take comfort when we know the other has found it.

Kanta Shimizu

Journal Entry

My father.

When I first learned of the term "patriarchal husband" and that it meant a man who does nothing but boss his wife around, he was the first person to come to mind.

Dad barely talks. He ignores me when I tell him, "Good morning," but if I say nothing, he gets angry instead.

And once he's angry, he just... explodes. He loses all control over his emotions in the blink of an eye.

He yells at Mom, throws things around, and even hits us.

Why can't he act like that in public? Why does everyone else only get to see his quiet, calm side?

If it meant that I wouldn't have to spend another second with him in that house, I'd happily let myself be taken away.

I've heard that Dad used to be a fisherman when he was younger and would go on long fishing trips way out at sea.
He managed to save up enough money doing that to open up a restaurant, a place where he could put his skills with a knife to use. It didn't work out, though. Not only did he lose all his savings, he took on new debt too.

Now, he spends his days drinking his life away in this sleepy little town that's a long way from the sea.

He never even tries to cook anything anymore.
It's only when he complains about Mom's food that he pretends to be some kind of important chef.

I used to think it was just my dad who was like this, but after listening to all the married women around here complain, every man seems just as bad.

All their husbands are just as short-tempered, just as violent, just as useless, and do just as little to help out their wives.

After learning this, every grumpy-looking old man in town I see reminds me of him.

When I think that I was born and raised just to support these horrible tyrants... I lose all hope.

If everything works out, they're going to give my father a lot of money.

I'm sure he's desperate to use it to pay back his debts.

...My father is selling me to pay back his debts.

After Dad saved up enough money from fishing, he decided to start up a restaurant with his long-time friend—someone who was like a little brother to him.

That "friend," however, stabbed him in the back and ran off with all his money, leaving him with nothing but debt. Apparently, that's when things really started heading south for my dad.

I mean, I do sympathize with him... But his past is his problem, not mine. And it definitely doesn't excuse him for making every day a living hell for me.

When it's just him and my mom, he apologizes for the life of poverty he's forced us into due to his debts.

According to Mom, there is nothing more shameful in this world to a father than letting his daughter see his weak side.

If he acts the way he does to me just to hide something as dumb as that, then I think I might just go crazy right now.

This house is theirs. It has nothing to do with me. I was just born here.

I may be Hinako, the little bird, but I have wings of my own. And if he doesn't care about how I want to live my life, then I'll just spread my wings and fly away.

Wherever I choose to go will be entirely up to me.

Kimie Shimizu

Journal Entry

My mother.

If I had to choose one word to describe her, it would be... pitiful. She's the one who bears the brunt of my father's violent moods and malicious abuse.

When I was younger, she used to protect me from him, so I didn't hate her back then.

But maybe I do hate her now.

Even as my father screams in her face, throws bowls at her, and sends her out for alcohol late at night, she remains ever loyal to him.

I just cannot, will not, accept her way of life.

"A woman's happiness begins with marriage."

She told me that every opportunity she got.

Am I supposed to believe that she's actually happy with the life she has now in this house?",

Today, my dad threw a knife. It got stuck in the tatami mat.

There are chips and dings all over the house. Every last one is from when he threw something.

Is that what happiness is to my mother? Seeing her house in such a sorry state and full of scars?

My mom smiled through tears of joy when Junko got married.

Was she really so happy to be sending her daughter off to suffer the same fate as her? Did she raise her just to be beaten and abused by some man?

What even is a "bride price," anyway? Why do they make a profit off of Junko getting married?

Did they get more money because they taught her how to cook and sew? Well, I won't learn those things. You won't make a single yen off of me!

I won't be like my mother. Not now, not ever!

Why did my mother even marry him in the first place? How could anyone possibly call themselves happy, having to spend their entire life with someone like him?

Mom once told me, "A husband and wife support each other for the whole of their lives, in sickness and in health. You see, it took me a long time to recover after giving birth to you. I caused your father a lot of trouble with my mood swings."

"But no matter how much I complained, he stood by me through it all without so much as a frown."

"I know he may not have turned out to be much of a father to you girls, but all in all, he's been a good enough husband to me."